At home, your child cannot start homework, loses everything, and falls apart by 4 pm.
At school, the teacher says they are polite, quiet and doing most of their work.
So who is right?
Often, both of you. You are seeing your child in two very different settings.
A 2026 review of 30 studies compared how teens, parents and teachers rate ADHD symptoms. Their answers matched only modestly. The researchers' conclusion: one person's report cannot stand in for another's. Each adult sees the child under different demands and different supports.
School may be carrying the skill
A classroom often has a lot built in: a schedule on the board, directions repeated, materials in one place, and everyone starting at the same time.
At home, your child has to remember the work, decide what comes first, find the materials and start alone. That asks a lot more of their executive function.
Some kids also hold it together all day and let it go once they are home. The teacher sees the effort. You see what it cost.
Turn the disagreement into information
When your child does better in one place, ask what that place provides. A visible first step? One spot for materials? A predictable start time? Those are clues you can borrow at home. (The same idea helps with family screen rules.)
And swap "fine" or "unmotivated" for something specific: "She finished the essay but did not turn it in until the teacher asked, two days later." Specific examples help a school team see which skill is breaking down.
Want to go deeper?
This is the short version. In the full article on my Substack, I go further: the exact questions to ask your child's teacher, the list of examples to bring to a school or evaluation meeting, and how to talk with your teen without it turning into an interrogation.
Part of my paid Substack, $11 a month: the deeper version each week, with the steps and scripts I use with families.
Have a school meeting coming up?
Walk in with a clear picture and a plan. In a one-hour Strategy Session, we sort out what to bring, what to ask, and what to try at home first.
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Thank you for reading, and for choosing to learn alongside me. So much of what I write comes straight from the questions parents bring me, so tell me what you would like me to look at next.
I am really glad you are here.
With tons of gratitude,
Nicole Rouleau
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Coaching is not therapy and is not a substitute for medical or mental health care. If you or your child are in crisis, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline).
